What I Know
by dontyouthink13
Summary: Bella is perfectly content with her life in the tiny town of Forks, with her best friend as her long-time partner at her side. No one can change her plans for the future, or so she believes until the man with the crooked smile and wild hair move in to La Push. Will he help her realize there's more to life, or will she stay with the man she's convinced is her "soulmate?"
1. Chapter 1

**Hello everybody! This is something that I came up with listening to a certain song, and I think I'm really going to like this story. I hope you do too. Enjoy!  
** ** _Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Stephanie Meyer came up with these wonderful characters all on her own!_**

x

 **Prologue:**

I remember a time where I believed that my life was simple, and that I was happy in its' simplicity - that I had someone, warm and safe, to hold me at night. That while my erratic, wild mother lived far from me. that she was proud of me and that was all I needed. That while my father rarely showed affection besides awkward hugs, and pats on the back, was proud of who I'd chosen as my lifelong companion. He knew that while I was with Jake, I had everything I would need to be safe, and happy - emphasis on safe, as that was something he, as the Chief of Police, took very seriously.

And perhaps he was right. For a while, what I found in Jake was exactly what I needed. Stability, to know that someone was always there for me in -case I fell - which was very likely since I was so clumsy. I knew him like the back of my hand, knew what his expressions meant. who he was, what his dreams and aspirations were. I believed at a certain point he knew me just as well, but now that I look back, I wonder if he knew me, or just the person who he thought I was. The Bella that was always selfless, that would never make a rash decision that would hurt anybody she loved, the one that was simple, and happy, and constant. Although I suppose that a certain point that was indeed who I was, I also knew that I had unknowingly thrown it all away.

For one person.

I stare at the house before me, twisting Jake's engagement ring around my finger, before walking towards the man with the crooked smile, and green eyes.

This was our story.

x

 **Thank you for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:**

Enjoy.

 **x**

 **Bella's POV: The First Time She Was Kissed.**

I moved to Forks to live with my dad as a silent sacrifice to let my mother spend more time with her new husband, Phil. I remember once feeling miserable about the move, seeing as how my life had changed drastically in a matter of weeks. I had it all planned out, and then I had to rearrange everything. That was one thing my mother said that worried her about me - I planned. I never went with the flow, had always placed my life in a neat, organized pile, even if doing so prevented me from doing what it was that made me happy.

It was a couple of weeks in that I met, or reunited with Jacob. My dad had invited him and Billy over for dinner one night, as he saw how isolated and down I felt about the move. I knew that he felt guilty, even if it wasn't his fault that I had made the decision of moving here to spend more time with him. One of the unfortunate things about Charlie, is that he was quieter and more secluded than I was, so there was never any kind of conversation. Although the prospect that he didn't hover pleased me at first, it felt unnatural to not have someone doting on me like Renee did.

It was raining, and I was making lasagna for dinner. Charlie and I both heard the truck rolling into our drive way, and it was one of the first times I saw Charlie truly excited. He hopped off of his couch in the living room, and went to greet them. I took the lasagna out of the oven, when I heard the commotion of voices and the front door open. When I turned to place the lasagna on the table, I saw him, and stumbled.

When our eyes met, it was familiar. Even if I hadn't talked to Jacob for years, I could feel that he was supposed to be in my life. Judging from the look in his eyes, and his shocked smile, I knew he felt the same.

He raised his hand, and I gulped, reaching out to shake it.

"Jacob Black." He grinned, and it was like the entire room lit with it. Charlie and Billy stopped their chatter to look at him. Charlie had a strange look on his face, one that I couldn't decipher. Billy simply smiled, as if he knew what was happening.

"Bella Swan," I blushed.

After that night, our relationship progressed in the only way it could with someone like Jacob: naturally, and slowly.

Charlie, after that night, seemed very confused as to what had happened that night. But he didn't seem unhappy. I knew that he liked Jacob, and saw him as the son he never had.

The first time Jake kissed me was the first time I had ever been kissed. And it was the best kiss that I had ever received. We had been on the cliffs in La Push, sitting with our feet dangling over the edge. We had been joking around, as we usually were.

"Come on. You being older does not mean you have more experience!" He had joked, talking about our age gap. At the time, I was 18 and he was 16. He didn't look it though. Jake had a swagger to him that made him seem more mature, more aware. Knowing what he had been through with his mom, who had left him with Billy at a young age, it wasn't hard to see why.

"It does! I've seen more things than you!" I poked back.

"Seeing things versus doing them are very different things, Bella."

I couldn't argue with that, seeing as my lack of experience was ever present in my mind.

"What?" Jake asked at my silence. I shrugged, smiling.

"Did I offend you?"

"No. I'm just admitting my defeat."

At that, he had a strange look on his face.

"Bella. Have you ever been kissed before?"

My face flushed. I could feel the heat spreading to my chest.

"No."

"Bella."

At that, I turned my gaze from the water to his face. He whispered my name again, leaning in, keeping his eyes on me. I knew that was his way of asking. My heart pounded against my chest.

I leaned in closer, and he did too.

Then our lips met.

There was no rush. There was no tongues, no frantic touching. Again, natural. Easy as breathing.

We kissed until it became dark outside, and our teeth were chattering.

Including Jacob into my plans of life was easy - he was meant to be there.

I never looked back. I never thought I would ever need to.

 **x**

 **Authors Note:**

Trust me, I know. Writing this was very awkward for me, but knowing what happened between Jacob and Bella is very vital to the story.

Thank you so much for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note:**

Enjoy.

 **X**

 **Bella's POV: The First Time She Saw Him.**

 _"Cause when you look like that,  
I've never ever wanted to be so bad,_

 _and it drives me wild."_

 **2 YEARS LATER**

Jake and I were soulmates.

At least, that's what everyone around us declared when they saw us together. Outwardly, I eagerly agreed every time as it made sense; Jake and I were born to be together. Had it not been for Renee finding her own soulmate, and marrying him, I would have not moved to Forks, Washington, and therefore I would have never met Jake.

A year after Jake, and I met, I graduated high school with the idea that I would go to community college, and wait patiently for Jake to join me. But when Billy became gravely ill, to the point where Jake's future suddenly changed as he had to take care of him, till Billy's health improved, or... or something that Jake and I weren't ready to face.

I knew that I couldn't do any of it without Jake, which is why I sacrificed my very planned out future, and created a new plan. I would work at Newton's until things could improve, and hopefully save up for a house for Jake and I, and we would hopefully move in when we were married. Truthfully, the idea of staying to live in Forks my whole life was extremely unappealing, but Jake loved it here, and declared it the place where we fell in love, and where our family was. When he put it that way, I had no choice but to agree.

Either way, the ending was the same; someday, I would marry Jake and we would have children, and die happily in love. There wasn't anything that I wanted more.

When Renee was made aware of how serious Jake and I's relationship was, she immediately bombarded me with questions of my sex life. This didn't surprise me, as Renee had made it very clear to me growing up that safe sex was something that should be taken very seriously. I promptly told her, while blushing, that there was no reason to be safe. Jake and I in our 2 years of being in a relationship, had never wandered farther than anything besides kissing, and I was perfectly content with it.

Okay. No, I wasn't.

I wanted Jake desperately, and had courageously admitted it to him multiple times - but for some reason, he admitted that he wasn't ready for that. At first, I couldn't understand. At night, we would whisper about how we would be together forever. But when I finally took into account that Jake was 2 years younger than I was, and his reluctance in giving himself over after what his mother did to Billy - I decided to not bring it up again. It hurt, and it frustrated me to no end, but I tried to be understanding.

I was washing the dishes to our apartment in La Push, when I heard the front door open. Automatically, a smile appeared on my face. I rounded the kitchen (although it wasn't very big - I was at the door in 2 steps), when I found myself in the arms of my one true love.

"Hi," I whispered to his chest. He rubbed my back gently, but retreated to the kitchen. It stung me for a second, but then I realized he was heading to the fridge, and everything made sense. While Jake loved me endlessly, he loved food more.

I giggled. "Hungry?"

He grinned at me the wolfish grin that I loved, while stuffing a sandwich in his mouth.

"I thought Emily made you lunch," I said, while finishing putting away the dishes.

His grin widened. "She did."

I laughed, yet I found an unfamiliar feeling in my chest... annoyance?

The feeling shocked me so much that I couldn't formulate another response to Jake.

At that exact moment, I heard a car door shut across the street. My eyebrow furrowed as I tried to remember whether we had neighbors or not. Judging by the surprised and guarded look on Jake's face, we didn't.

I walked to the window, to see a man as pale as me carrying boxes into the house in front of us. I smiled at the prospect that I was no longer the "new girl" in town. Even after graduating, I was still the newest comer to the rainy town, and I could see that wasn't a title that I held anymore.

"Hmph." I heard Jake say behind me, looking out the window too. I threw him a confused glance. "What?" I asked.

"That's Cullen." He explained, looking annoyed.

"You know him?" I asked, surprised.

"Yeah. He moved here with his family a couple of years ago, but moved away a few months before you moved back." He said, but it was obvious he didn't want to talk about him.

I didn't ask, but the mystery of who he was drew me in more than I would have liked to admit. I looked back, and almost jumped when my eyes locked with his across the street. I glanced back at Jacob to see he was preoccupied stuffing sandwiches in his mouth. I looked back, and a jolt was sent through me when I saw he was still looking. His bronze hair was disheveled, and a crooked grin sat gently on his lips.

"Don't speak to him," I heard Jake say as he was heading our bathroom to no doubt, take a shower. "He's not someone people like us talk to."

His claim brought a million questions, but he shut the door before I could ask.

When I looked back towards the man, he was gone.

I wouldn't talk to him if Jake didn't want me to. Jake would do it for me.

I didn't know it then, that what Jake wanted would soon not matter when it came to "Cullen."

 **X**

 **Wild - Troye Sivan.**

Thank you for reading.


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's Note:**

 **I'm sorry for taking so long. I've been on vacation. Florida is beautiful - shout out to any readers that are from there!**

 **Enjoy.**

 **X**

 **Bella's POV: The First Time She Met Him**

 _"I can't decide if it's a choice,_  
 _Getting swept away."_

I would do anything for Jake. The evidence of that lied in the fact that I moved out to live with him at the short age of 18, leaving my father all alone. It lied in the fact that I gave up my college education so that I could be with him while he tended to his father.

I didn't like to say that Jake gave me orders - I liked to look at them as... favors. When Jake asked me to give up everything for him, I did it without a second thought. Jake was my whole life. Why wouldn't I do something for him, when I was completely sure he would do the same for me?

But when Jake asked me to not speak to the man he had called "Cullen," without any other reason than "he's not like us." a small part of me... wanted to defy him. I wanted to know about Cullen. Why the mystery around him? Why had everyone else in our friend group - which consistent of pretty much only Jake's best friends who had become my friends simply because I was his girlfriend - had wrinkled their nose when they knew about the newcomer?

I wanted to know. I shouldn't, but I did. And I knew that if I didn't find out on my own, I would never know.

"Bella? Bella?"

I snapped out of my reverie with a, "huh?"

Jake looked at me with a suspicious look on his face, and said, "You haven't touched your food."

I looked down at my plate of steak, and realized he was right. I had been so caught up in thinking about our neighbor and who he was, that I had lost my appetite. I smiled weakly.

"I'm sorry. I just have a lot on my mind." I knew it was a lame excuse but I didn't know what else to say. I couldn't let Jake know what I was thinking. What I was planning. I never did anything Jake thought was wrong for me, and I knew that he would try to convince me to not go through with my plans - and that I would let him convince me. I couldn't. I just had to know.

I tried not to think about why I had to know, the ultimate truth in my head. I was... just curious. That's all.

"A lot on your mind? Like what? Anything I could help you with?" He said. I felt a pang of guilt. Jake would do anything for me, and here I was planning to get to know some other guy simply because other people didn't like him. Maybe I should take a hint. Maybe they're just looking out for me. Maybe he's a mass murderer, a crazy guy!

"No," I reassured. "I'll be fine. It's just some silly things."

"Alright, if you're sure. Hey, I'm done. I'm going to take a shower and go on to bed."

"Okay."

I watched him stand up and take his plate to the sink, and head into the hallway where the bathroom was. When I heard the door shut, I heard a car door open across the street. I tensed, knowing that my curiosity was stronger than my fear.

I ran across to the window and there he was. He seemed to be only just getting something from his car, and not really going anywhere. When he pulled back, I saw he was getting a guitar.

A musician, I thought.

I guess I wasn't being very stealthy, because when I shifted, his head snapped up, and his eyes met mine. Green, I saw. The prettiest eyes I've ever seen. I couldn't look away.

He didn't seem to want to look away either; in fact, he took a step forward.

"Hey Bella?" I heard a shout.

With a gasp, I yanked myself from the window and pulled back the curtain, and leaned against the wall.

"Yeah?" I made myself shout back.

"You know where my towel is?"

"In the bottom drawer." I responded, trying to disguise the shakiness of my voice.

"Thank you!" I heard before he shut the bathroom door.

I didn't even try glancing at the window.

I knew he was gone.

 **x**

If I couldn't stop thinking about Cullen before, I definitely couldn't stop thinking about him now.

It was ridiculous. I wondered who he was, and what he had done that was so wrong that he had to leave - and I wanted to know.

I knew I loved Jake, though. I needed to be with Jake. He was my constant, my one - he was the safest choice for me. I knew what I was getting when I was with Jake. This man? I knew nothing. There was no competition.

You're being ridiculous, I thought to myself as I browsed the aisles in the grocery store. Focus, I thought again. Don't accidentally get tuna instead of corn. Jake hates tuna.

The grocery store in Forks was one of the smallest grocery stores that I had ever seen in my life - I liked to go during the week because on the weekends? Crammed. When I went during the week, it left me alone with my thoughts.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, and for some reason even looking at the can of corn in my hand, I know exactly who it is. I feel it. I know. I turn myself around, and was so shocked to see mystery guy's face that I dropped the can on his foot.

"Shit!" I cried, and we both leaned down to grab the can, and ended up hitting each other's head on the way back up, all while my heart was doing somersaults inside of my chest.

I knew I was blushing - my face was too hot for me to not be. I must look ridiculous to him right now. I must look like the stupidest girl.

I looked up, and there he was - grimacing, but smirking.

In that moment, Jake seemed far away in my mind. A part of me yelled to bring him back, to think about what I was doing. To _stop_ it.

His smirk becomes more pronounced, and it's like there has never been anything more beautiful.

I don't have a choice. I never did.

"I'm Edward," he says, extending his hand. I take it, and when our hands meet, so do our eyes.

"Bella." I whisper.

He steps closer to me, using our joined hands to pull me to him, and there's a fire inside of me that I have never felt before. It licks at my insides, burning everything that I used to be, what I used to know - who I needed to be. It burns any doubt away.

"Come with me." He says, using his thumb to caress my cheek. He leans in closer, and his lips are so close - I can _feel_ him whisper, "come with me," again, and he pulls away to pull me towards the entrance.

The grocery cart stays there forgotten.

 **X**

 **Treacherous - Taylor Swift.**

Thank you for reading.


	5. Chapter 5

Authors Note:

Sorry for taking so long. I love you.

X

Bella's POV: The First Time She Realized She Was In Trouble

 _"All I know is a simple name,_

 _Everything has changed."_

I am unsure, yet not. I have no idea where he's taking me but at the same time, I don't care. I know that whether or not he tells me where we're going, there won't be any way that I'm going with him. A part of me, a voice in the back of my head drips like water - drip, drip, drip, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.

But I ignore this voice, not being able to take my eyes off the man driving beside me. Edward, his name. Edward Cullen. The man I had been making eye contact with from across the street finally had a name, and somehow control over me even though we had barely said 2 words to each other.

He takes me to an abandoned parking lot in La Push in front of the sea, but it doesn't seem sinister to me. In fact, it seems comforting, like he's taking me to a secret place. I can tell that he knows this place well by his ease at parking directly in front of the view - the ocean.

At first, we sit in silence, while I look at my hands. Then he says, "Tell me about you."

My eyes snap to his face, and he's staring straight ahead, smiling softly. Traitorously, my heart speeds up. Trying to ignore it, I talk.

"I'm Bella Swan... Well, actually, I'm technically Isabella Marie Swan. I'm from Phoenix, Arizona... Um, my parents are divorced. And..." I almost mention Jacob out of instinct, but stop myself for some reason. He raises an eyebrow at me. "And?" He prompts. I bite the inside of my cheek, trying to figure out what I'm not saying. Because if I say it, it'll make it more real, that I'm here with someone else, betraying the person who is my soulmate. Because that's sure. That's solid. Jacob is my soulmate.

"And I'm in a relationship with Jacob Black." I finish, but it doesn't make me feel any better or less guilty. I'm still here, and still not putting an end to this.

"Black." He nods, his smile turning into something more sarcastic. "He always hated me." My curiosity spikes, and I know that this is my chance to figure him out, to put an end to to this intriguing mystery - maybe I'll stop thinking about him.

"Do you know... why?" I ask, hoping so hard that he'll answer. He smirks, and leans towards me, getting dangerously close. Like in the grocery store, his lips almost touch mine, and his eyes are so green. "Wouldn't you like to know?" I hear, and feel him say. Without thinking, I place my hand on his arm, feeling his muscles flex at my touch. For a split second, I want it. I want him to kiss me. To touch me. To figure him out, and to let him figure me out. His eyes don't leave mine for a second, and I see it - lust.

Jacob, Jacob, Jacob.

I pull away suddenly, remembering. Remembering who I'm supposed to be, who I'm supposed to love, and blurt out, "Can you please take me home?"

He looks at me for a while, but pulls away. Wordlessly, with so much tension that makes my skin spark and sparkle in the best, and worst way, he drives back to our neighborhood. When he stops the car, he immediately gets out and a part of me feels rejected, but that feeling quickly disappears when he opens my door. I can't help but think Jake never does that but shake it off as quick as I can. He helps me step out of the car, and pushes me against his car, and he moves me in such a way that I am trapped between his arms - his hands at the sides of my head. He presses his hand against my chest, and says, "I'm Edward Cullen." A hand on my neck. "I went to school to be a surgeon," on my chin. My eyes flutter. "Sometimes I sing." And finally, on my cheek.

"And I want you, Isabella."

x

When I finally get to my house, my heart is racing and my cheeks are pink - I can feel it. I lean against the front door, and breathe for what feels like the first time. My eyes flutter close when I trail my hand against my own cheek, trying to recreate the feeling, his hand, his hand, his hand. When I open my eyes again, the house is almost completely dark and I know I should get up to make dinner.

When I hear Jacob's car in the driveway, I start on dinner. He kisses my cheek, and takes a shower. By the time we're both eating dinner, he's noticed something is up.

"Bella?" I lock eyes with him. He's looking at me with concern in his eyes, and my heart sinks into guilt. "I'm fine," I say, trying to smile my biggest smile. He looks at me weirdly, but continues to stuff his mouth anyways. I can't help but look out my window for a flash of my newfound secret. I don't see him, but for some reason that just heightens my want to see him even more.

After putting the dishes in the dishwasher, I kiss his cheek and say, "I'm going to take a shower." I turn on the hot water, and watch myself disappear in the fog in the mirror. I step in, and lean my head against the wall. I let myself whisper it.

"I want you too."

That night, when I lay next to the supposed love of my life, I am more scared than I have ever been in my life.

X

Everything Has Changed - Taylor Swift.

Thank you for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors Note:**

The way you guys welcomed me back was so beautiful, and I am forever grateful for you guys. Please leave reviews - I swear I read each and every single one of them! I love you all.

Disclaimer: I own none of these characters that Stephanie Meyer had the genius to create. I just put them through angsty situations.

Bella's POV: The First Kiss

X

 _"For the very first time,_

 _I am see through, baby,_

 _And I don't wanna hide."_

X

Everything feels the same - but not.

It's a strange version of deja vu - because I recognize everything that's happening. I know where I am, who I'm with - there's nothing confusing about my days ever since I almost kissed Edward Cullen in that car, but everything is different. Everything _feels_ different.

Jacob kisses me still in the morning before he goes to work - but his lips don't seem warm and inviting anymore. Now that I think about it, they haven't for a long time. His kisses have become a routine, a source of comfort - normal. But that haven't induced butterflies in my stomach, and they don't make me feel like there's fire in my veins. They don't burn at all.

He holds me close at night - his arms envelop me completely. This used to be something I looked forward to, but now, his arms don't seem like they were made to protect me; now I feel as if they're suffocating me. I have to claw his arms off of me to be able to go to the bathroom, to get a drink of water… to _breathe_. I used to not mind not breathing the clear air of our bedroom, I didn't care whether or not I could smell the trees, and the pines when I left the window open; I didn't care if all I smelled was him. Now, I long for that breath that I cannot take in this house. In this room.

Jacob's eyes remain the same. They still squint when he laughs, and they are still a shade of dark, dark, dark brown - almost black. I remember thinking I could spend days, months, years, staring into them; my dad used to roll his eyes when I would tell Jake how beautiful and mysterious his eyes were. But now I've noticed that they follow me around the room constantly; I can't seem to find a private moment. A private place. I'm always being watched. I'm always being analysed. Now, where his questions seemed loving, and overprotective in the best way, now I can't help but seem them as intruding and annoying. "Where have you been today?" "Who did you talk to?" "Why did you talk to them?" "Why did you say that?"

"Why aren't you talking to me?"

So no, things aren't different.

Except… they are.

(*)

One night, when I am brushing my teeth, ready to just end the day. I am startled when I feel fingertips on my bare skin on my waist where my tank top has ridden up. I look up in the mirror and see Jacob's face - a face that seems troubled, confused… determined.

Ignoring him for the moment, I lean forward and rinse out my mouth. When I come back up, Jacob turns me around and kisses me. I let my body go through the motions, and go on autopilot - something that I've noticed that I'm on whenever Jacob is in the room. But tonight, something is different. Jacob always cowers away when I try to deepen the kiss, try to trail my hands underneath his shirt. But tonight, he is the one who deepens it. All I hear is the sounds of our tongues, and our mouths intertwining but my heart stays calm, and stays in it's place; it makes no moves to jump out of my chest.

I'm almost annoyed at how long this kiss is - but the back of my head, a little voice says, " _This is your boyfriend. This is who you've devoted yourself to - he's the love of your life._ " So, I kiss back. I place my hands on his hair. I pull him closer.

When he moans, my heart freezes.

Jacob has let out grunts and moans before but this is different - this is with purpose, this is with a goal in mind. I pull back and break away from the kiss. He pants against my lips. "Jacob… what are you doing?" I ask, my voice small.

He leans forward and leaves kisses on my throat, but all I feel is saliva. I try not to cringe away. "I know that I've made you wait, Bella. But… I think I'm ready. 2 years is enough for me to know that you love me, and that our relationship isn't going to end, like… like my parents did. I know that we have promised forever, and that we will get there. That we're made for each other."

I listen and process his words, staring at the wall behind him. When I fully understand, I sputter and panic. "Wha? Jak… Jake, wait." I push him away slightly. His eyes flash with impatience. "What?" He says, his voice strong and loud compared to mine.

"Jake… I don't… I don't understand. Why now? I… I…"

"Because I want to." He responds, his voice cold.

I'm so startled that I do something that I have never done before in my entire life.

I step away from him.

His eyes widen in accusation.

"Bella. What is going on?"

I try not to panic when I answer. "Jacob, what are you… this is so sudden… you… you can't just spring this on me!" I walk to our bedroom to gain more space, to be able to understand what's happening. To just get away from him.

But before I can make it to our window, he reaches out and grasps my wrist tightly.

"Bella."

I look at his eyes reluctantly.

"For 2 years, you've been begging me. To… take our relationship to the next level. Then suddenly, this month, you… stopped talking to me. You don't ask me anymore. You don't touch my body… you don't. You just don't."

I see now. I see that my distance has hurt him, and I find guilt somewhere inside of me.

I step forward and take his hands in mine, and try to speak coherently.

"Jake… I'm sorry. It's just… I've been having a couple of rough days; it's not you, I swear…" I scramble for something. A reason. But where is it? What's changed?

His eyes dart back and forth between mine; left right, left right, left right. Then… he smiles.

"I see what this is," he laughs a little. "Bella… do you want to wait until marriage?"

"Yes!" I reply instantly. "Yes, exactly. You know how I am… it's awkward for me to talk about these type of things, so I've been trying to get everything in my head before I came to you about it." He nods, like everything finally makes sense. Like I'm finally making sense. And for him, perhaps everything does make sense. But I have never been more confused in my life.

"That's a good idea," his eyes are soft as he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. "Probably the best idea. I agree, Bells. We should wait until then."

I say nothing in response; nothing when he leans down and kisses me again. Nothing when he falls asleep in our bed before I do. Nothing when I realize that I'm not going to get any sleep.

I silently get up, and count my steps as I'm walking to the living room. The room is dark, but I don't bother to turn on the light; the moon light is enough to make me see where I'm going. I'm thirsty, but I don't bother getting a glass of water. I know exactly what I want.

I face the window for a long time, staring at the fabric of my curtain. After taking a deep breath, I pull back the curtain. At first, I'm disappointed that the house in front of us has no lights on, and that Edward seems to be asleep. I was hoping that he would give me clarity. An answer. I'm half tempted to go over there and knock on his door to wake up him. I know that I shouldn't.

But I consider it.

My fingers curl at the thought; at the thought of seeing him again.

My body makes the decision before my brain does.

I quietly open the door, holding my breath, hoping to God that Jake won't hear. When the house remains silent, I walk forward. The night welcomes me, envelops me in the air that I've been dying to breathe. The breeze flows through my hair, but I welcome it too. The night isn't chilly for the first time in a long time. I don't bother to put on shoes, and walk barefoot in my shorts and tank top. I never hesitate. I'm tired of hesitating. I'm tired of not doing what I want to do because of my consideration for the people I love.

When I arrive at his door, I take no time in looking at his yard, at his door in detail; I just knock.

I knock again.

I hold my breath for 3 beats. If he doesn't open, then… then I'll go somewhere else because I can't be in that bed for a second longer. At least not tonight. I'll be Jacob's Bella tomorrow; just not tonight. Not tonight.

Right when I'm about to call defeat and turn back, the door opens. A disheveled, tired-eyed Edward looks at me, with sweatpants that hang on his hips just so, with hair that's more copper than ever, with his green eyes squinty and tired, and I am lost.

"Bella?" He asks, his voice hoarse, sending electricity through me. "What's wrong?"

Tears I didn't know I was holding back surface. They pour down my cheeks, and I bury my head in my hands. My heart is no longer silent; my heart is clear in what it wants, but I can't seem to fathom the answer yet.

"Bella." His voice, now more alert, is like satin. Like he knows. Like he understands.

"I don't know what t-t-o do!" I cry. And I don't. My life has always been so secure, so planned out, from the moment I stepped into Forks two years ago, to when I met Jake and decided he was my everything. Now, here comes the thing I did not plan for; a hurricane.

Before I can really process my thoughts, I am being enveloped in his arms. He shushes me, and lets me cry.

These arms aren't too warm.

These arms aren't suffocating; in them I feel that I'm free.

"Baby. You gotta stop crying," he says, holding me tighter. It was the first time he called me a nickname.

I fist his shirt in my hands, wishing he was closer.

"I can't." I sniff; I want to though. I know I'm wasting precious time by just sitting here and crying into his chest, but I just can't help it. I hate how I can feel the muscles in his chest, and feel his heartbeat, how it's beating just as fast as mine is.

My head is a blubbering mess; a mess that I just don't have the energy to sort out.

 _Drip drip drip_

 _Jacob Jacob Jacob_

I couldn't silence my head; but I couldn't silence my heart either, a heart that was beating somebody else's name. Did it ever really beat anyone else's name before?

"You can't?" He repeats my response to him asking me to stop crying, but he isn't mocking me, or even asking me. It's almost like he just confirmed something to himself.

I shake my head in reply, but I am surprised when he lifts my face in between his hands to look at him. For what seems like a long minute, he looks at me, my puffy eyes, my nose… my lips. My heart leaps.

My heart speaks to me.

It says _What you want is right here_

He moulds his lips to mine, and I am found.

All chaos in my head goes silent; there is no drip, there is no other confusing name. There is just this. It's all there ever was.

He kisses me with no doubt; he kisses me like he knows exactly what I want, and what I need. He kisses me like I am water, and he is a thirsty man. He kisses me like I am all he wants. He kisses me, and he erases anyone else that came before or anyone else who will come after. He kisses me and gives me my air back.

He kisses me like he knows me. And I think he's the only one that does.

X

See Through - Pentatonix.

(You guys should check them out. I recently went to see them in concert and they were **_amazing._** )

Thank you for reading.


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